The saying ‘It’s a man’s world’ has put men in a superior position to women over the years and almost translates to ‘a man can do as he pleases;’ he cannot be faulted and he can do no wrong. That is why a woman is taught and advised to be the patient one. But what happens when a woman cheats on her man?
“You know it is customary for a wife not to cheat,” said Jones Nnamdi. The politician explained his stands thus, “I am not saying it is normal or okay for a man to cheat but we all know that the sanction is usually more on the women because women are the productive instrument. If your wife should cheat on you, you might have a child that is not from your blood line. That is the major reason why both traditional religions, Christianity and Islam, frowns at cheating by women. It is important that the line of productivity is straightforward.”
The thought of his wife cheating on him is one he dreads, but if it should happen, Nnamdi said;
“If my wife cheats on me, though I know she won’t do that, but if she does, it’s going to be a very difficult situation. I am sure that I am not going to take it lightly.”
Benjamin Burmamu, like Nnamdi frowns at the thought of his wife cheating on him. For the teacher, the gravity of such an act can lead to the annulment of the marriage. “I will really feel bad, why will she cheat on me when I don’t cheat? I will not work by hearsay but confirm if it is true, and if it is true I will know how to deal with her. There are steps which I will take, starting from letting her parents know about it, then discussing with our church elders and come up with whatever sanction.”
On forgiving the offence, he said, “forgiving her will depend on the information gathered that led to the drastic act. If it is forgivable I will forgive but if it is not, she will have to bear the consequences of her actions.”
For Samuel Nwakwe, his reaction will be revealed when the deed is committed. “I will confront her, I won’t take it that easy. I don’t really know what will happen that day but she must feel the venom of her actions,” he said.
“I don’t know if I will be able to stay with her or not after the incident because I have kids. I will not talk about this now until it happens but for now, I am not even thinking about my wife in that light. The thought alone is repulsive.”
Lawal Kolapo was very emotional in his reaction to the issue. “I am a Muslim and I don’t listen to speculations. I trust my wife so much that I don’t look through her phone. But if I suspect any act of waywardness, that is when I will lay ambush,” he said.
He also does not know how he would react until it is before him because infidelity in Islam is the greatest sin a woman would commit. In his words, the businessman said “If she is caught red handed… I don’t know, it’s like we will get to that bridge before we cross it oh. That is infidelity and it is one of the greatest sins that a woman can commit.”
He also shares some of his views as a yoruba man about a cheating wife. “There is a belief we have that a woman who flirts will either kill herself or kill her husband. And invariably only a few of them kill themselves, must of them kill their husbands. So if my wife cheats on me, I know that I am not safe at all. The person she is flirting with may want her exclusively to himself and then plans would be made to eliminate me. So the best thing to do is to end the relationship with her or the marriage.”
Kolapo states that the only room for forgiveness in this respect would be if the act was committed unintentionally.
“This kind of situation also varies because I know of a situation that happened sometime ago where charm was used to lure a woman. And anybody who is under the influence of charms is in the state of insanity. And whatever she does at that time will not be intentional. I heard of a spiritualist who used charm to hold a woman who came to him to help her solve her problems, and for three days he kept her and was sleeping with her without her consent. It was after three days that she looked and asked “what am I doing here?” So she reported the case to the police and got him arrested and the man confessed that he used charms on her. So in that case, she was beyond her sense of reasoning. But if it is intentionally, there is no excuse.”
Peter Acha Ode believes that following due process to put her away will be the best option if she is his wife, but that for a girlfriend it ends immediately.
The showroom assistant said, “If my girlfriend or my wife cheats on me, I will not beat her or attack the man she cheats with. What I will do is call a meeting between her family and mine and that would be the end of the marriage, there is nothing like forgiveness. That’s if she is my wife. If it is a girlfriend, the matter ends on the spot.”
Etum Ofem is not as patient as Ode.As for him, he will denounce the relationship with immediate effect.
The lawyer was very passionate in stating his take on the issue: “I will dump her if I get any clues. Because if me as a man, I can sacrifice and not stay with other women then she has to do the same. If the tables turn it’s left for her to dump me or whatever, I’ll be ready for it. But for me I will dump her because I can’t take that.”
Alex Kalu believes in situations like this it is good to be rational and find out the cause of it and possibly make amends where applicable. The contractor said, “If my wife should cheat on me, there are two things that I will look into. I will look at what led to the act. My reaction will not be rash because naturally I am not the violent type. But my reaction would be outright rejection at the time it happens before I begin to investigate to know what led to the act. If it is reasonable, there is always room for forgiveness but if it is because I am not good enough for her then she can as well leave. Because one can take a horse to the river but you cannot force it to drink. And I cannot continue to live with a promiscuous wife.”
Andrew Chima shares Kalu’s sentiments on the issue. “Cheating is not normal so when it happens I will try to find out the circumstances that led to the act and then we will take it from there. I will not put her away because to err is human and to forgive is divine.”
Nnamdi also believes that cheating should not be a basis for divorce because as humans he believes offences will surely come and it is left for the offended to forgive or not. “Cheating by a wife should not be enough ground for divorce because women are also human beings and have all the failures of human beings. In fact women try in terms of fidelity, they are much stronger in that respect than men. So if it happens that a woman cheats on her husband, it doesn’t mean that she does not love him, it’s just the failure of being a human being I would say. So it should not be too hard to forgive her, after all, men do that all the time and get away with it most of the time,” he said.
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